Let me start by saying that if you don’t know what the grindr app is, do yourself a favor and google it.
For me this app is just a cure for boredom. If I’ve got it open on my phone, chances are that I’m waiting in line at the grocery store. I don’t, and wouldn’t expect anyone to take this app seriously (unless, of course, random sex is serious business for you, in which case you better log off wordpress and get cracking). With profile names like “iBottom” and “Married Dad” it’s not hard to see why.
I have found that most of the profiles on grindr are or are a mixture of the following:
This is the boy who is here to hook up, and he’s got it down to a science. This is not his first rodeo, and it certainly won’t be his last. Following a carefully perfected formula, he can crank em out at a pace that would make Gene Simmons look virtuous. When two Professionals encounter each other, it’s a good chance there will be action in the time it takes to say “Ew.”
If you’ve ever received a message from someone who stated clearly on their profile that they were “NOT HERE TO HOOK UP” and then opened the message to find a picture of their gentleman’s area, you’ve been a victim of The Ninja.
The Mystery Torso
Similar to The Professional, the mystery torso often has one of two reasons for hiding his face. He either a) has the good sense to keep from broadcasting his promiscuity to the world, or b) it’s ugly. I think straight boys call that second one a “butter face.”
This is the one that does not know when to quit. For whatever reason, this guy feels the need to carpet bomb grindr profiles in the hopes that someone will be horny or desperate enough to strike up a “conversation.” How can you tell if you might be acting a bit like The Relentless? If you were wondering, you probably are.
I have made this bad habit of taking screenshots on grindr and sending them to people. Perhaps I’ll start posting some on here. That reminds me, I’ve got something really urgent to take care of…