So dating then… never has something I desire caused me this much confusion and frustration. To be honest, I don’t usually take dating or feelings seriously…at all. In my mind, it’s not worth it, and I have never really met a guy that caused me to think otherwise….until now (ah, crap!).
A while back I met a boy (we shall call him Jack) for dinner. Jack was polite, interesting, playful in conversation, and he passed each and every one of my “this is a trick question to see if you are just trying to get me naked later” tests.
A moment of honesty: Sometimes I don’t mind getting naked on the first date (and usually in those cases, the last date), but this time I was hoping it was more. As it turns out, I was right.
Jack and I hung out a few more times and on our third date I went back to his place. We sat on the couch and cuddled while watching TV. This is when the good part happened (no, it’s not what you’re thinking – get your mind out of the gutter, pervert).
In his Netflix favorites was Top Gear. For those who are not familiar, this is a British car show and the reason that, on several occasions, I have nearly packed up and moved to England. We watched two full episodes, and not once did he have that painful look that most gays have when I subject them to car talk. That’s when I had that cliché moment of clarity and thought, “Where have you been?”
Weeks and weeks went by, and suddenly things seemed like they weren’t clicking like they were at the beginning. A large amount of baggage from Jack’s last relationship (like several suitcases and a trunk) and my sometimes annoyingly playful nature seemed to be taking its toll, so we ended it. It was a very civil and clean-cut “we are just friends now” conversation. Alas, it can never be that simple, can it?
Weeks later, I am still bothered by this notion that I let things go too easily. I have dated (and “dated”) other people in the last few weeks, to no avail. So I’m left with a decision: I can let it go, and possibly always regret doing so, or I can take a leap of faith and ask him for another go.
I suppose this type of thing has been happening since the first young cave man decided to stop screwing every cave chick he could find and settle down. I seem to be stuck in this mindset that I am in completely uncharted waters, though. As I deal with most uncertainty in life, I suppose I’ll say to myself “Here goes nothing…” and see what happens.
Wish me luck!