To start on a personal note, I like to be held. Hugged, squeezed, or cradled… I love it all. Some refer to this desire as “bottom”, but I firmly subscribe to the idea that labels belong on a can, not a man (although that’s another post entirely).
To get back on topic, I think I come off as a bit puzzling because at first glance I am, as Samantha Jones puts it, in a relationship with myself and can have sex with someone I don’t respect or like… or even remember. Although nothing could be farther from the truth.
I rather desire affection and companionship – to be held. That’s where “J” comes in. We started as, to be completely honest, a grindr hookup. This developed into several hookups, which in turn blossomed into a friends-with-benefits relationship. But I wasn’t necessarily interested in a friends with benefits relationship. That’s when something odd happened.
He picked up on it. I didn’t tell him or even hint at it. Yet, he asked me to dinner and made a point to tell me it would only be dinner because that’s what he thought I wanted. I would include a screenshot of the text, but he did this over the phone. (I know, right?!)
As it turns out, he likes to hold me. After dinner we went on a lovely stroll on the city’s new “walking bridge”. It was completely frigid, so we went back to his place and laid in bed. [Read: Laid, not “got laid”]. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’m a little scared by this.
It scares me because I feel like he’s holding me, even when we aren’t touching. We walk down the sidewalk or sit together at a restaurant and I feel comforted by him. Maybe I’m getting attached….and perhaps I’m afraid to get hurt. So as this develops, will I be basking in mutual affection, or will I be spitting venom? Either way, the results will be interesting (to say the least).