On dating, feelings, and that nonsense…

So dating then… never has something I desire caused me this much confusion and frustration.  To be honest, I don’t usually take dating or feelings seriously…at all.  In my mind, it’s not worth it, and I have never really met a guy that caused me to think otherwise….until now (ah, crap!).

A while back I met a boy (we shall call him Jack) for dinner.  Jack was polite, interesting, playful in conversation, and he passed each and every one of my “this is a trick question to see if you are just trying to get me naked later” tests.

A moment of honesty:  Sometimes I don’t mind getting naked on the first date (and usually in those cases, the last date), but this time I was hoping it was more.  As it turns out, I was right.

Jack and I hung out a few more times and on our third date I went back to his place.  We sat on the couch and cuddled while watching TV.  This is when the good part happened (no, it’s not what you’re thinking – get your mind out of the gutter, pervert).

In his Netflix favorites was Top Gear.  For those who are not familiar, this is a British car show and the reason that, on several occasions, I have nearly packed up and moved to England.  We watched two full episodes, and not once did he have that painful look that most gays have when I subject them to car talk.  That’s when I had that cliché moment of clarity and thought, “Where have you been?”

"This one's a keeper!"

Weeks and weeks went by, and suddenly things seemed like they weren’t clicking like they were at the beginning.  A large amount of baggage from Jack’s last relationship (like several suitcases and a trunk) and my sometimes annoyingly playful nature seemed to be taking its toll, so we ended it.  It was a very civil and clean-cut “we are just friends now” conversation.  Alas, it can never be that simple, can it?

Weeks later, I am still bothered by this notion that I let things go too easily.  I have dated (and “dated”) other people in the last few weeks, to no avail.  So I’m left with a decision:  I can let it go, and possibly always regret doing so, or I can take a leap of faith and ask him for another go.

I suppose this type of thing has been happening since the first young cave man decided to stop screwing every cave chick he could find and settle down.  I seem to be stuck in this mindset that I am in completely uncharted waters, though.  As I deal with most uncertainty in life, I suppose I’ll say to myself “Here goes nothing…” and see what happens.

Wish me luck!

A Message From Atop the Bar

Tonight I am off work, and I have plans.  More often than not, I call my friends and they have already planned my evening.  Tonight is no different.  They have decided that we are going to a bar downtown.  It’s within walking distance of the bestie’s apartment and it’s a somewhat seedy, hipster / gay, fairly popular place to get completely knackered.  Tonight will be interesting though, as Wednesday night there is referred to as “Techno Dance Night” and things tend to get a little wild – to put it mildly.  Just imagine rush-hour traffic without the cars, where everyone’s drunk, and that’s what it’s like.

The last time I went on a Wednesday, I woke up with an epic hangover – the kind that makes you feel as if you were put into a barrel and pushed down several flights of stairs.  That morning (by “morning” I do mean 2pm) a friend was showing me photos that he had taken the night before.  I stopped at a picture of a few guys dancing on the bar.  It was a somewhat blurry photo (he had certainly gotten his drink on that night), and I asked him who they were.  “Well, the boy on the right – that’s Chris, the middle one is my friend Keith,” and as he pointed to the third boy, who was shirtless, he said, “and that’s you.”  Oh dear…

Just then, a moment of clarity took place.  When I awoke shortly before, I became aware of an itch around my midsection.  I reached into my blue and yellow Express briefs and pulled out a dollar bill.  It had undoubtedly been inserted there while I was doin’ my thing above the crowd.

DISCLAIMER:  Don’t get me wrong – I’m not a terribly constant party animal, a drunk, or a drug addict.  I don’t do this often.  However, I wholeheartedly believe that there is no shame – NO SHAME – in letting loose from time to time.  Do what you’re going to do, and keep in mind that worrying about what other people think has never done any good for anyone.  Anyone who has ever lived in the wealthier part of the suburbs and gotten the hell outta’ there (and I have) will agree with me.  Cruel Intentions is a great movie, until you’ve lived it (but that’s a story for another time).

So, as I’m sitting here with my laptop, sipping on the finest Chardonnay that $12.99 can buy, I wish you all a happy and pleasantly eventful Wednesday evening.  Mine certainly will be – of this much I’m sure.